Kids say the funniest shit
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Kids say the funniest shit
I was playing with my kids this evening, wrestling and tickling and stuff. I thought my boy left the room for a second, and my daughter and I kept going on. She smacked me in the lip and tooth with her head and I yelled "OW!" The girl ran laughing at me, and I said "What is wrong with those fucking kids?" half-jokingly. My 5 year old boy was in the room and he popped his head up so I could see him and said "Um, excuse me dad, but you mean ' that fucking kid'."
Last edited by Omphalos on Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!
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OK. Stupid ass me screwed the joke up. I fixed it. Doh!SandChigger wrote:
(What did you say again? She's given you a concussion, hasn't she? )
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!
-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)
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:) very sweet:):)
Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with, and I know, that given the choice, I wouldn't have chosen you as friends, but I just want to say, that over the years, I have come to regard you as people I met.
-Rimmer’s farewell speech
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Those kids say something funny to me everyday.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!
-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)
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-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)
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Kids are indeed a blessing.
Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with, and I know, that given the choice, I wouldn't have chosen you as friends, but I just want to say, that over the years, I have come to regard you as people I met.
-Rimmer’s farewell speech
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Still have a bump on my lip.
Or do you mean the one I gave him?
Or do you mean the one I gave him?
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!
-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)
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My five year old could kick your ass, orald. He can certainly shoot straighter.orald wrote:Oh, kids...I love hitting them too. Preferablly with something metalic, hard and heavy.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!
-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)
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marital aid.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!
-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)
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-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
My son and daughter go to different schools, and as it would turn out some good friends of ours have two kids, and one each attends both of my kids schools. They release five minutes apart from one another, so my wife and this other family's mom meet in the middle and do a kid exchange. The other day Corrine was taking my daughter to meet my wife and my daughter said, "Mrs. C, my dad saw Jesus Christ the other day while he was driving!"
I couldn't remember which time that was.
Oh, and my 7 y.o. boy has taken to calling me "dude."
I couldn't remember which time that was.
Oh, and my 7 y.o. boy has taken to calling me "dude."
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!
-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
On the first day of school I asked my 5-y-o what he learned on his first day of first grade. He said, "Keep your shoes on and don't put anything in your mouth." I've been trying to teach him that for five fucking years.
My 7-y-o son is the fifth, as in roman numeral V. My buddy asked him if he knew about roman numerals and he said, "Yeah, we have some in the pantry," pointing to Ramen Noodles.
Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.
My 7-y-o son is the fifth, as in roman numeral V. My buddy asked him if he knew about roman numerals and he said, "Yeah, we have some in the pantry," pointing to Ramen Noodles.
Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
Cool.
"Chancho...sometimes when you are a man...you wear stretchy pants...in your room...alone."
"Politics is never simple, like the sand chigger of Arrakis, one is rarely truly free of its bite."
Arrakeen is an unawakened ghola.
"Politics is never simple, like the sand chigger of Arrakis, one is rarely truly free of its bite."
Arrakeen is an unawakened ghola.
Re: Kids say the funniest shit
my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".Freak wrote: Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.
you reap what you sow ....
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
Was that from never missing a single episode of The Bold And The Beautiful?SandRider wrote:my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".Freak wrote: Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.
you reap what you sow ....
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
You have to crush those with an iron fist.SandRider wrote:my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".Freak wrote: Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.
you reap what you sow ....
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
...and leave them behind an iron curtain...Freakzilla wrote:You have to crush those with an iron fist.SandRider wrote:my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".Freak wrote: Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.
you reap what you sow ....
I was arguing with my girlfriend the other night, she was telling that i didn't understood her question, and my 4 year-old daughter comes up, hands on her hips and says "Yeah, dad, why don't you understand mom's question?! "
I understood right there that it will be two against one until my boy can fight by my side in 3 years...
Neutrinos watch alert !
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
It's 4 males versus 2 females at my house and let me tell you, 2 v 2 is not an even playing field.Rakis wrote:...and leave them behind an iron curtain...Freakzilla wrote:You have to crush those with an iron fist.SandRider wrote:my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".Freak wrote: Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.
you reap what you sow ....
I was arguing with my girlfriend the other night, she was telling that i didn't understood her question, and my 4 year-old daughter comes up, hands on her hips and says "Yeah, dad, why don't you understand mom's question?! "
I understood right there that it will be two against one until my boy can fight by my side in 3 years...
You will learn that the girls always win. You are always wrong.
Always
.
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
I deleted some of your posts because they were derailing the topic and not focusing on the issues asked, and instead going after the authors or their material. That's why. ~ BM
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
That means she took the car and left you alone in the forest...A Thing of Eternity wrote:If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Still happy of being right?
Neutrinos watch alert !
Re: Kids say the funniest shit
I've referred this to a higher source and the answer's just came in. He is wrong, but only 51% of the time.A Thing of Eternity wrote:... is he still wrong?
Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with, and I know, that given the choice, I wouldn't have chosen you as friends, but I just want to say, that over the years, I have come to regard you as people I met.
-Rimmer’s farewell speech
-Rimmer’s farewell speech
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.
I'm going to kill somebody.
I'm going to kill somebody.
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
Somebody call 911 to Freak's house!Freakzilla wrote:
I'm going to kill somebody.
Neutrinos watch alert !
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.
I'm going to kill somebody.
I deleted some of your posts because they were derailing the topic and not focusing on the issues asked, and instead going after the authors or their material. That's why. ~ BM
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
My daughter just asked my mom if she farted. You win.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!
-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
I was at my mom's with my daughter (4-y-o today!) and she farted. Mom said, what are you supposed to say?Omphalos wrote:My daughter just asked my mom if she farted. You win.
Elle said, "Excuse me, I do that a lot!"
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
I was kind of suprised it was the(a) sheriff. They usually just do stuf like serve warrants, transport jail inmates, etc... normally a city cop should respond.A Thing of Eternity wrote:I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.
I'm going to kill somebody.
I think it's because I'm near the county line. I live in Douglasville city which is the county seat of Douglas county but my house is in Paulding county. I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
Hmmm, I'm not sure how it works in the US, but in Canada we have city police, and then the feds (rcmp) takeover, and they're in charge of all the suburbs, towns, rural areas, etc.Freakzilla wrote:I was kind of suprised it was the(a) sheriff. They usually just do stuf like serve warrants, transport jail inmates, etc... normally a city cop should respond.A Thing of Eternity wrote:I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.
I'm going to kill somebody.
I think it's because I'm near the county line. I live in Douglasville city which is the county seat of Douglas county but my house is in Paulding county. I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.
I deleted some of your posts because they were derailing the topic and not focusing on the issues asked, and instead going after the authors or their material. That's why. ~ BM
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
That's how it is in Ohio where I "live": the village (or city) police handle stuff inside the limits, the country sheriff everything outside the incorporated municipal areas. The state police basically seem to be highway patrol.Freakzilla wrote:I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.
But since the village police force is only like two and a half guys or something and they're most often out patrolling in the cruiser (something I like to see, actually; over here you hardly ever see the police out doing anything ), you call the sheriff's office for non-emergency but important stuff and they radio it in to the village officers. Otherwise you call the station and leave a message on the machine.
"Chancho...sometimes when you are a man...you wear stretchy pants...in your room...alone."
"Politics is never simple, like the sand chigger of Arrakis, one is rarely truly free of its bite."
Arrakeen is an unawakened ghola.
"Politics is never simple, like the sand chigger of Arrakis, one is rarely truly free of its bite."
Arrakeen is an unawakened ghola.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
We don't have federal police, unless you count the FBI. If they come to your door you're in serious trouble.A Thing of Eternity wrote:Hmmm, I'm not sure how it works in the US, but in Canada we have city police, and then the feds (rcmp) takeover, and they're in charge of all the suburbs, towns, rural areas, etc.Freakzilla wrote:I was kind of suprised it was the(a) sheriff. They usually just do stuf like serve warrants, transport jail inmates, etc... normally a city cop should respond.A Thing of Eternity wrote:I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.
I'm going to kill somebody.
I think it's because I'm near the county line. I live in Douglasville city which is the county seat of Douglas county but my house is in Paulding county. I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
Freakzilla wrote:We don't have federal police, unless you count the FBI. If they come to your door you're in serious trouble.A Thing of Eternity wrote:Hmmm, I'm not sure how it works in the US, but in Canada we have city police, and then the feds (rcmp) takeover, and they're in charge of all the suburbs, towns, rural areas, etc.Freakzilla wrote:I was kind of suprised it was the(a) sheriff. They usually just do stuf like serve warrants, transport jail inmates, etc... normally a city cop should respond.A Thing of Eternity wrote:I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.
I'm going to kill somebody.
I think it's because I'm near the county line. I live in Douglasville city which is the county seat of Douglas county but my house is in Paulding county. I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.
That's what I figured.
I deleted some of your posts because they were derailing the topic and not focusing on the issues asked, and instead going after the authors or their material. That's why. ~ BM
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
I assumed it was the same in every state (and yes I know the saying about assuming anything) but I know around here the 'chain of command' - for lack of a better term- is the Police in the city or towns, the sheriff department for the counties and the towns without their own police force, and then the highway patrol.
Police have no power out side of their city or town, but the sheriff can do business in city as well as the county, and the State Highway Patrol can pull you over where ever you are. That is my understanding of the hierarchy of the law enforcement in this area.
OK lawyers, cops, and other wise men -- correct me where ever I am mistaken.
Oh, and talking about kids and the things they say. My future sister-n-law (who is 21) has trouble driving in the rain, so she asked if I would go with her to take the kids (my neice and nephew) to their doctor appointment. I of course said yes. Well when my youngest son asked why we were going over there that day I told him I was driving Aunt ____'s car for her because she had trouble driving in the rain. With a straight face he says something along the line of..."If she wouldn't speed maybe she wouldn't have so much trouble driving in the rain."
I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.
Police have no power out side of their city or town, but the sheriff can do business in city as well as the county, and the State Highway Patrol can pull you over where ever you are. That is my understanding of the hierarchy of the law enforcement in this area.
OK lawyers, cops, and other wise men -- correct me where ever I am mistaken.
Oh, and talking about kids and the things they say. My future sister-n-law (who is 21) has trouble driving in the rain, so she asked if I would go with her to take the kids (my neice and nephew) to their doctor appointment. I of course said yes. Well when my youngest son asked why we were going over there that day I told him I was driving Aunt ____'s car for her because she had trouble driving in the rain. With a straight face he says something along the line of..."If she wouldn't speed maybe she wouldn't have so much trouble driving in the rain."
I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.
I shall lift up my eyes unto the glory of the Lord.
Safety's just danger out of place.
Safety's just danger out of place.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.
~Leto II, God Emperor
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
Freakzilla wrote:From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.
I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.
I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.
I shall lift up my eyes unto the glory of the Lord.
Safety's just danger out of place.
Safety's just danger out of place.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
I think the punishment for that should be that when the cop pulls you over for texting he/she then destroys your cellphone and makes you eat it.Eyes High wrote:Freakzilla wrote:From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.
I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.
I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.
Might help people smarten up. Oh what a wonderful world it would be if I was in charge!
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
Is she the one who took that pic of that speedometer at 55 you showed at Worm's?Eyes High wrote:Freakzilla wrote:From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.
I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.
I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.
Neutrinos watch alert !
- Eyes High
- Momma Eyes
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
Rakis wrote:Is she the one who took that pic of that speedometer at 55 you showed at Worm's?Eyes High wrote:Freakzilla wrote:From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.
I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.
I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.
Nope. But I can tell you that the person who did take it done it with the utmost safety and with help.
But I did tell this young lady that her texting while driving even scared me. (Spiff was the first one to tell her to stop it that day, he was sitting in the back seat behind her, but they have the type of relationship that they love to aggravate each other so she more than likely wouldn't listen to him anyway.)
I shall lift up my eyes unto the glory of the Lord.
Safety's just danger out of place.
Safety's just danger out of place.
- Rakis
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit
Oh, i know yo...er...she...er...did...Eyes High wrote:Rakis wrote:Is she the one who took that pic of that speedometer at 55 you showed at Worm's?Eyes High wrote:Freakzilla wrote:From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.
I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.
I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.
Nope. But I can tell you that the person who did take it done it with the utmost safety and with help.
Neutrinos watch alert !
- Eyes High
- Momma Eyes
- Posts: 1220
- Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 1:39 pm
- Location: between the worlds of men and make believe
Re: Kids say the funniest shit
LOL. I like you.
I shall lift up my eyes unto the glory of the Lord.
Safety's just danger out of place.
Safety's just danger out of place.