Kids say the funniest shit

Any old topic will do, I suppose.

Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Omphalos » Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:39 pm

I was playing with my kids this evening, wrestling and tickling and stuff. I thought my boy left the room for a second, and my daughter and I kept going on. She smacked me in the lip and tooth with her head and I yelled "OW!" The girl ran laughing at me, and I said "What is wrong with those fucking kids?" half-jokingly. My 5 year old boy was in the room and he popped his head up so I could see him and said "Um, excuse me dad, but you mean ' that fucking kid'."

:lol:
Last edited by Omphalos on Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby SandChigger » Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:56 pm

:)


(What did you say again? She's given you a concussion, hasn't she? :? )
"Chancho...sometimes when you are a man...you wear stretchy pants...in your room...alone."

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Postby A Thing of Eternity » Mon Jul 14, 2008 10:59 pm

:lol:
Your son said "kids" in italics? :?
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Postby Omphalos » Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:39 pm

SandChigger wrote::)


(What did you say again? She's given you a concussion, hasn't she? :? )


OK. Stupid ass me screwed the joke up. I fixed it. Doh!
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Postby A Thing of Eternity » Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:06 am

Ah, that is funny now :D
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Postby inhuien » Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:10 am

:):) very sweet:):)
Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with, and I know, that given the choice, I wouldn't have chosen you as friends, but I just want to say, that over the years, I have come to regard you as people I met.

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Postby Omphalos » Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:41 am

Those kids say something funny to me everyday.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!

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Postby inhuien » Tue Jul 15, 2008 10:45 am

Kids are indeed a blessing.
Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with, and I know, that given the choice, I wouldn't have chosen you as friends, but I just want to say, that over the years, I have come to regard you as people I met.

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Postby SandChigger » Tue Jul 15, 2008 4:29 pm

Ah, that's much better.

(I take it the concussion is as well. :D )
"Chancho...sometimes when you are a man...you wear stretchy pants...in your room...alone."

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Postby Omphalos » Tue Jul 15, 2008 4:31 pm

Still have a bump on my lip.

Or do you mean the one I gave him? :wink:
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Postby orald » Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:01 am

Oh, kids...I love hitting them too. Preferablly with something metalic, hard and heavy. :)
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Postby The Phantom » Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:28 am

orald wrote:Oh, kids...I love hitting them too. Preferablly with something metalic, hard and heavy. :)



we don't want to hear about the crimes you commit with your dildo orald :P
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Postby Omphalos » Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:48 am

orald wrote:Oh, kids...I love hitting them too. Preferablly with something metalic, hard and heavy. :)


My five year old could kick your ass, orald. He can certainly shoot straighter.
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Postby Rakis » Wed Jul 16, 2008 11:07 pm

Omphalos wrote:
orald wrote:Oh, kids...I love hitting them too. Preferablly with something metalic, hard and heavy. :)


My five year old could kick your ass, orald. He can certainly shoot straighter.


:lol:
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Postby orald » Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:10 am

I don't have a dildo. They're expensive. :cry:
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Postby Eyes High » Fri Aug 22, 2008 8:46 am

:oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
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Postby Rakis » Fri Aug 22, 2008 7:59 pm

orald wrote:I don't have a dildo. They're expensive. :cry:


Picket fence? :|
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Postby SandChigger » Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:20 pm

Eyes High wrote::oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

Translation:
Eyes High: OH MY EYES! MY EYES!!!


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
"Chancho...sometimes when you are a man...you wear stretchy pants...in your room...alone."

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Postby GamePlayer » Fri Aug 22, 2008 9:22 pm

"Of course it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We use the indefinite article "a dildo" never "your dildo""

:P
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Postby Omphalos » Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:42 pm

marital aid.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!

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Postby chanilover » Sat Aug 23, 2008 3:52 am

Rakis wrote:
orald wrote:I don't have a dildo. They're expensive. :cry:


Picket fence? :|


His mum's hairbrush handle.
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Postby Rakis » Sat Aug 23, 2008 8:02 pm

chanilover wrote:
Rakis wrote:
orald wrote:I don't have a dildo. They're expensive. :cry:


Picket fence? :|


His mum's hairbrush handle.


:lol:

SO hairy... :shock:
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Omphalos » Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:53 am

My son and daughter go to different schools, and as it would turn out some good friends of ours have two kids, and one each attends both of my kids schools. They release five minutes apart from one another, so my wife and this other family's mom meet in the middle and do a kid exchange. The other day Corrine was taking my daughter to meet my wife and my daughter said, "Mrs. C, my dad saw Jesus Christ the other day while he was driving!"

I couldn't remember which time that was.

Oh, and my 7 y.o. boy has taken to calling me "dude."
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Freakzilla » Tue Oct 06, 2009 12:48 pm

On the first day of school I asked my 5-y-o what he learned on his first day of first grade. He said, "Keep your shoes on and don't put anything in your mouth." I've been trying to teach him that for five fucking years.

:x

My 7-y-o son is the fifth, as in roman numeral V. My buddy asked him if he knew about roman numerals and he said, "Yeah, we have some in the pantry," pointing to Ramen Noodles.

:lol:

Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.

;)=
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby SandChigger » Tue Oct 06, 2009 4:03 pm

:lol:

Cool. :)
"Chancho...sometimes when you are a man...you wear stretchy pants...in your room...alone."

"Politics is never simple, like the sand chigger of Arrakis, one is rarely truly free of its bite."

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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby SandRider » Tue Oct 06, 2009 9:28 pm

Freak wrote:Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.


my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".

you reap what you sow .... :evil:
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby chanilover » Wed Oct 07, 2009 2:02 am

SandRider wrote:
Freak wrote:Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.


my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".

you reap what you sow .... :evil:


Was that from never missing a single episode of The Bold And The Beautiful?
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Freakzilla » Wed Oct 07, 2009 6:06 am

SandRider wrote:
Freak wrote:Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.


my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".

you reap what you sow .... :evil:


You have to crush those with an iron fist.
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.

~Leto II, God Emperor
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Rakis » Wed Oct 07, 2009 8:49 am

Freakzilla wrote:
SandRider wrote:
Freak wrote:Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.


my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".

you reap what you sow .... :evil:


You have to crush those with an iron fist.


...and leave them behind an iron curtain...

I was arguing with my girlfriend the other night, she was telling that i didn't understood her question, and my 4 year-old daughter comes up, hands on her hips and says "Yeah, dad, why don't you understand mom's question?! " :shock=:

I understood right there that it will be two against one until my boy can fight by my side in 3 years...
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Freakzilla » Wed Oct 07, 2009 1:08 pm

Rakis wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:
SandRider wrote:
Freak wrote:Both of them have recently started responding to my orders by screaming, "SIR, YES SIR!" I knew something good would come of them watching Full Metal Jacket.


my boys kept forming soviets & starting "worker's revolutions".

you reap what you sow .... :evil:


You have to crush those with an iron fist.


...and leave them behind an iron curtain...

I was arguing with my girlfriend the other night, she was telling that i didn't understood her question, and my 4 year-old daughter comes up, hands on her hips and says "Yeah, dad, why don't you understand mom's question?! " :shock=:

I understood right there that it will be two against one until my boy can fight by my side in 3 years...


It's 4 males versus 2 females at my house and let me tell you, 2 v 2 is not an even playing field.

You will learn that the girls always win. You are always wrong.

Always

.

;)=
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby A Thing of Eternity » Wed Oct 07, 2009 4:32 pm

If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Rakis » Wed Oct 07, 2009 9:08 pm

A Thing of Eternity wrote:If a man says something in a forest, and there's no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?


That means she took the car and left you alone in the forest...

Still happy of being right? :wink:
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby inhuien » Thu Oct 08, 2009 3:02 am

A Thing of Eternity wrote:... is he still wrong?

I've referred this to a higher source and the answer's just came in. He is wrong, but only 51% of the time.
Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with, and I know, that given the choice, I wouldn't have chosen you as friends, but I just want to say, that over the years, I have come to regard you as people I met.

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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Freakzilla » Sat Nov 14, 2009 7:04 pm

The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.

I'm going to kill somebody. :x
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Rakis » Sat Nov 14, 2009 7:38 pm

Freakzilla wrote:
I'm going to kill somebody. :x


Somebody call 911 to Freak's house! :shock=:

:lol:
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby A Thing of Eternity » Sun Nov 15, 2009 2:17 am

Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.

I'm going to kill somebody. :x


I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Omphalos » Sun Nov 15, 2009 3:37 am

My daughter just asked my mom if she farted. You win.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Freakzilla » Sun Nov 15, 2009 6:51 am

Omphalos wrote:My daughter just asked my mom if she farted. You win.


I was at my mom's with my daughter (4-y-o today!) and she farted. Mom said, what are you supposed to say?

Elle said, "Excuse me, I do that a lot!" :doh:
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Freakzilla » Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:52 am

A Thing of Eternity wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.

I'm going to kill somebody. :x


I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.


I was kind of suprised it was the(a) sheriff. They usually just do stuf like serve warrants, transport jail inmates, etc... normally a city cop should respond.

I think it's because I'm near the county line. I live in Douglasville city which is the county seat of Douglas county but my house is in Paulding county. I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby A Thing of Eternity » Sun Nov 15, 2009 1:04 pm

Freakzilla wrote:
A Thing of Eternity wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.

I'm going to kill somebody. :x


I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.


I was kind of suprised it was the(a) sheriff. They usually just do stuf like serve warrants, transport jail inmates, etc... normally a city cop should respond.

I think it's because I'm near the county line. I live in Douglasville city which is the county seat of Douglas county but my house is in Paulding county. I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.


Hmmm, I'm not sure how it works in the US, but in Canada we have city police, and then the feds (rcmp) takeover, and they're in charge of all the suburbs, towns, rural areas, etc.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby SandChigger » Sun Nov 15, 2009 2:01 pm

Freakzilla wrote:I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.

That's how it is in Ohio where I "live": the village (or city) police handle stuff inside the limits, the country sheriff everything outside the incorporated municipal areas. The state police basically seem to be highway patrol.

But since the village police force is only like two and a half guys or something and they're most often out patrolling in the cruiser (something I like to see, actually; over here you hardly ever see the police out doing anything :roll: ), you call the sheriff's office for non-emergency but important stuff and they radio it in to the village officers. Otherwise you call the station and leave a message on the machine. :)
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Freakzilla » Sun Nov 15, 2009 4:57 pm

A Thing of Eternity wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:
A Thing of Eternity wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.

I'm going to kill somebody. :x


I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.


I was kind of suprised it was the(a) sheriff. They usually just do stuf like serve warrants, transport jail inmates, etc... normally a city cop should respond.

I think it's because I'm near the county line. I live in Douglasville city which is the county seat of Douglas county but my house is in Paulding county. I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.


Hmmm, I'm not sure how it works in the US, but in Canada we have city police, and then the feds (rcmp) takeover, and they're in charge of all the suburbs, towns, rural areas, etc.


We don't have federal police, unless you count the FBI. If they come to your door you're in serious trouble.
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.

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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby A Thing of Eternity » Mon Nov 16, 2009 3:06 pm

Freakzilla wrote:
A Thing of Eternity wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:
A Thing of Eternity wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:The sherrif just knocked on my door. Appearantly one of my kids called 911. They called back but as usual I ignored the ringing phone. I nearly had a heart attack, I thought they were looking for me for some reason.

I'm going to kill somebody. :x


I had that happen to me when I was a kid, my friends dared me to call, or they called or something, then cops showed up. Not a sherrif though... in Canada a sherrif isn't the cheif cop in charge of an area or whatever it is that a sherrif does in western movies, but more like a cop for hire. They do stuff normal cops would do, but in situations where normal cops wouldn't give a shit (like, oh no, someone didn't return a couple hundred bucks worth of equipment from my rental company... long story), but you have to pay for their work.


I was kind of suprised it was the(a) sheriff. They usually just do stuf like serve warrants, transport jail inmates, etc... normally a city cop should respond.

I think it's because I'm near the county line. I live in Douglasville city which is the county seat of Douglas county but my house is in Paulding county. I think the sheriff takes over where the city police stop.


Hmmm, I'm not sure how it works in the US, but in Canada we have city police, and then the feds (rcmp) takeover, and they're in charge of all the suburbs, towns, rural areas, etc.


We don't have federal police, unless you count the FBI. If they come to your door you're in serious trouble.



That's what I figured.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Eyes High » Tue Nov 17, 2009 11:06 pm

I assumed it was the same in every state (and yes I know the saying about assuming anything) but I know around here the 'chain of command' - for lack of a better term- is the Police in the city or towns, the sheriff department for the counties and the towns without their own police force, and then the highway patrol.

Police have no power out side of their city or town, but the sheriff can do business in city as well as the county, and the State Highway Patrol can pull you over where ever you are. That is my understanding of the hierarchy of the law enforcement in this area.

OK lawyers, cops, and other wise men -- correct me where ever I am mistaken.


Oh, and talking about kids and the things they say. My future sister-n-law (who is 21) has trouble driving in the rain, so she asked if I would go with her to take the kids (my neice and nephew) to their doctor appointment. I of course said yes. Well when my youngest son asked why we were going over there that day I told him I was driving Aunt ____'s car for her because she had trouble driving in the rain. With a straight face he says something along the line of..."If she wouldn't speed maybe she wouldn't have so much trouble driving in the rain."

I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Freakzilla » Wed Nov 18, 2009 3:44 am

Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.


From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Eyes High » Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:07 pm

Freakzilla wrote:
Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.


From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.



I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.

I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby A Thing of Eternity » Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:12 pm

Eyes High wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:
Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.


From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.



I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.

I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.


I think the punishment for that should be that when the cop pulls you over for texting he/she then destroys your cellphone and makes you eat it.

Might help people smarten up. Oh what a wonderful world it would be if I was in charge! :D
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Rakis » Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:19 pm

Eyes High wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:
Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.


From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.



I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.

I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.


Is she the one who took that pic of that speedometer at 55 you showed at Worm's? :techie-hiding:
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Eyes High » Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:15 pm

Rakis wrote:
Eyes High wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:
Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.


From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.



I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.

I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.


Is she the one who took that pic of that speedometer at 55 you showed at Worm's? :techie-hiding:



Nope. But I can tell you that the person who did take it done it with the utmost safety and with help. :shifty:

But I did tell this young lady that her texting while driving even scared me. (Spiff was the first one to tell her to stop it that day, he was sitting in the back seat behind her, but they have the type of relationship that they love to aggravate each other so she more than likely wouldn't listen to him anyway.)
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Rakis » Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:20 pm

Eyes High wrote:
Rakis wrote:
Eyes High wrote:
Freakzilla wrote:
Eyes High wrote:I was so glad she wasn't around when he said that.


From the mouths of babes... maybe she needs to hear it.



I'm sure she has heard it in one way or another.

I Spiff and I did get onto her yesterday about texting while she was driving.


Is she the one who took that pic of that speedometer at 55 you showed at Worm's? :techie-hiding:



Nope. But I can tell you that the person who did take it done it with the utmost safety and with help. :shifty:


:mrgreen: Oh, i know yo...er...she...er...did...
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Re: Kids say the funniest shit

Postby Eyes High » Thu Nov 19, 2009 10:30 am

LOL. I like you. :mrgreen:
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