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THE (ALMOST) UNDELETED • View topic - A Confession

A Confession

Any old topic will do, I suppose.

A Confession

Postby Pardot Kynes » Tue Jun 17, 2008 9:10 pm

Wow. There's no easy way to say this. There is no easy way to gain self respect back. There is no easy way to do anything worthwhile, as I have been told recently, and throughout my life.

However, recently I have been trying to turn my life around from the hole that its in. I have been attempting to help others, and realizing that I need to change first- to do that, I need to come clean about this place, my anchor holding me back. This is my own personal demon, haunting me with guilt.

I have come to think of a great many of you as friends- a precious commodity at any time, but especially, perhaps, at this stage of my life.

Time to cut to the chase. I am not 36. I do not own two dogs named Thor and Ajax, nor do I own my own house. I am not a professor. I am not a druid (although I was for a short while). I do, however, drive a truck. A Honda truck. So maybe you can't even call it a truch. But still. I do not drink, nor have I ever been drunk. I have had exactly one sip of beer in my entire life, and maybe three of wine. I have never had a girlfriend, nor have I ever been on a date. I have never had more than three friends at any one time, and two of them were there for me only so that I could help them with schoolwork. I have had perhaps two trustworthy friends in my whole life, and one was doing it out of pity.

I do not say this to garner your pity, however. I believe that by showing you how much of a social outcast I am, or was, I will show and explain how much the friends I have garnered here mean to me. And, because of that, I cannot keep this lie going.

I originally joined Dreamers of Dune at the age of twelve, but didn't post much until I was fourteen. In fact, the first post I remember making was in the "How old are you" thread, in which I actually did say I was fourteen. When I did start posting regularly though, I began to create a persona which I thought could gain everyone's respect. One of the things that helped me along was the comments of different posters, in the threads that asked your favorite thing and various personal preferences. Slowly, a character began to assemble that represented everything that I wanted to be, save one thing. That character wasn't real. And by lying about him being real, I played myself wrong, and did the same to all of you.

Since then I have gotten to know you, but you only have thought you have gotten to know me- the personality and knowledge is generally the same, since I knew I would be too easily caught in something unlike myself- but all the hard facts are lies. They are half truths or manipulations, or outright falsehoods. I have destroyed my own self respect.

Yet, you members I know, you have taught me life lessons without realizing it. In a very real sense, the members of Worm's and of Dreamers raised me since I was fourteen. And, as any child must, I now am going to leave my home, save for occasional visits.

I apologize for my deception, and thank you for your unwitting gift. If you have any questions, please post them. I will answer. If you wish to flame me, I quite deserve it, so go ahead. I'll stand and face what I did. I'm not proud of it, but I did it, and so must answer for it.
I have betrayed you worse than the Naib, been more of a censor than Hyppo in the sense that I kept myself from you, and have been more manipulative and secretive than the HLP.
I'm too tired of this to let it go on, and I cannot stand it longer.

I still love all of you, and these forums. The above is the reason for my inactivity- as guilt mounted, so did my separation. I may stay, but if I do I will create another account more than likely, so as to wash away what I pretended to be.

So, to recap. I'm an 18 year old liar who has decided to make good on his word and come clean. I haven't done anything I've said I had unless it was about me reading or writing something. Then I told the truth. Maybe about some other things as well, such as what I'm passionate about.

And yes, this means the whole Drunk Pardot Chat was staged. Sorry again, but that I think was rather amusing, staged or not.


Well, I feel better. I'll be around.


~Pardot Kynes
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Postby SandChigger » Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:09 pm

So?

I'm actually a BIG boobed exotic dancer from Reno named Myrtle.

:D


Seriously, since I haven't known you that long, and basically only on these two forums (did we even interact that much over on 'Keen before it died?), I'm not offended or pissed off or even anything remotely in the vicinity. I'm a bit disappointed you won't be regaling us eventually with tales of that secret dig in the Greek islands, but hey, Reno here is THE capital of disappointments, ya know! ;)

I'm sure we all bend the truth a wee bit here and there. Hell, the truth may be stranger than fiction, but the fictions are usually a lot more interesting and fun. (Come on, we're all here because of some NOVELS an old guy started writing over 40 years ago, not because of world history or economic theory or the latest discoveries in polymer chemistry, right?) I'm just sorry you put yourself into a situation where you became so conflicted. :(

I don't know about the rest of these galoots, but I wouldn't mind if you just stay Pardot Kynes. :)


(I'd say, "Awwww, group hug!" but you never know when Orald is going to pop in!)
"Chancho...sometimes when you are a man...you wear stretchy pants...in your room...alone."

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Postby Pardot Kynes » Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:28 pm

It was a stupid choice I made when alot younger, and I'd rather tell the truth and be ridiculed for it than have to live a lie.


Actually, I saw that Greek Dig thing mentioned on a news site I read, so if your all that interested I'm sure I can still find information on it.
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Postby chanilover » Tue Jun 17, 2008 11:57 pm

:shock: Wow, that was intense!

Oh well, never mind. You mentioned Hyppo and no one is as bad as that sack of shit.
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Postby orald » Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:16 am

Group hug(no oldies!)! :D
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Postby Robspierre » Wed Jun 18, 2008 12:21 am

orald wrote:Group hug(no oldies!)! :D



Youth isn't everything :wink:


Pardot, what Chig said.

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Postby SandChigger » Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:41 am

(Pardot...I don't know how you'll survive all this ridicule! :P )
"Chancho...sometimes when you are a man...you wear stretchy pants...in your room...alone."

"Politics is never simple, like the sand chigger of Arrakis, one is rarely truly free of its bite."

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Postby Mr. Teg » Wed Jun 18, 2008 4:59 am

SandChigger wrote:So?

I'm actually a BIG boobed exotic dancer from Reno named Myrtle.

:D


Damn, Omphalos was spot on this time, too.

Your Myrtle from Mustang Ranch. :P
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Postby inhuien » Wed Jun 18, 2008 5:03 am

I replied to your post on JACURUTU. Chin up old bean. :)
Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with, and I know, that given the choice, I wouldn't have chosen you as friends, but I just want to say, that over the years, I have come to regard you as people I met.

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Postby Pardot Kynes » Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:01 am

SandChigger wrote:(Pardot...I don't know how you'll survive all this ridicule! :P )


I know, right? Not one person could care less :P
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Postby Omphalos » Wed Jun 18, 2008 9:56 am

You know what, you are a fucking great actor! All except for the bit about your scars over at Worm's. I thought that was laying it on a bit thick, but hey, whatever!

Pard, I cant say that Im not shocked, but when I step back, I dont think it really matters much. Im going to look forward to getting to know the real Pardot. Like Myrtle implied above, the internet is a wierd place, and it gives everyone chances that they would never otherwise have to RP and escape parts of their lives that they are not too fond of, and it sounds like that is what you were doing.

Anyway, I suppose I should welcome the new Pard the T(A)U! So welcome!

PS> Please tell me that you know something about mythology! :wink:
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!

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Postby chanilover » Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:42 am

:lol: It's really funny, when Pardot told me off (or tried to) on Jacurut, he played the part of a miserable old fart so well.

I think Hyppo is really a 14 year old boy.
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Postby A Thing of Eternity » Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:53 am

Hey, now there's one less person that's older and way better educated than me! :D Though I suspect you may still be better educated...
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Postby SandChigger » Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:59 am

Omphalos wrote:PS> Please tell me that you know something about mythology! :wink:

He knows enough to have delivered that RIGHTEOUS smackdown on HowlingRuckusNoMad/Kungamoose!

That remains a thing of BEAUTY. :lol:
"Chancho...sometimes when you are a man...you wear stretchy pants...in your room...alone."

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Postby Phaedrus » Wed Jun 18, 2008 11:24 am

It's the passion and the participation that really matter, the rest is just filler on the internets.

I haven't interacted with you too much, Pardot, but I don't think it matters too much, since you've got the passion and you've been participating.
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Postby Pardot Kynes » Wed Jun 18, 2008 2:24 pm

I do actually know alot about mythology- that's why I chose that persona.
So I'm still going to write all that stuff.

The scar thing was one thing I don't believe I was lying about though. I have many, many injuries from playing Judo, and martial arts in general.

That, and being clumsy :P
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Postby orald » Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:12 pm

SandChigger wrote:
Omphalos wrote:PS> Please tell me that you know something about mythology! :wink:

He knows enough to have delivered that RIGHTEOUS smackdown on HowlingRuckusNoMad/Kungamoose!

That remains a thing of BEAUTY. :lol:

WHAT?! You HAVE to quote that!!! :D
"Brian! Brian! Brian!" goes the refrain. "A million deaths were not enough for Brian!"

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Postby Omphalos » Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:44 pm

SandChigger wrote:
Omphalos wrote:PS> Please tell me that you know something about mythology! :wink:

He knows enough to have delivered that RIGHTEOUS smackdown on HowlingRuckusNoMad/Kungamoose!

That remains a thing of BEAUTY. :lol:


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Postby Omphalos » Wed Jun 18, 2008 3:45 pm

Pardot Kynes wrote:I do actually know alot about mythology- that's why I chose that persona.
So I'm still going to write all that stuff.

The scar thing was one thing I don't believe I was lying about though. I have many, many injuries from playing Judo, and martial arts in general.

That, and being clumsy :P


Really? :lol:

Im an idiot. I remember you had so many I asked you if you were a rodeo clown!

Very happy to hear that you are going to do the Mythology stuff too. I really cant wait to start participating in that.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!

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Postby Pardot Kynes » Wed Jun 18, 2008 5:26 pm

I've grown up in Texas, so I do have some experience in that area :P
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Postby Mandy » Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:30 pm

I already replied over at Worm's.. probably a bit overkill to confess everywhere :P There were a few people who didn't know you were such a fruit loop.
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Postby Pardot Kynes » Wed Jun 18, 2008 8:30 pm

Hehe.

Well, some of the people I wanted to let know don't post at Worm's. I suppose I could have settled for just here or just Jacurutu and Worm's.


Oh well.
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