WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Any old topic will do, I suppose.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Postby Freakzilla » Thu May 15, 2008 4:02 am

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN McCAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure – right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE ' of t he road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.

~Leto II, God Emperor
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Postby GamePlayer » Thu May 15, 2008 7:50 am

Great list :) Almost a good laugh every line. :lol:
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Postby Omphalos » Thu May 15, 2008 8:44 am

Nancy Grace! :lol: :lol:

What a crazy bitch.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!

-James C. Harwood, Science Fiction Writer, Straight (March 5, 1956 - May 25, 2010)



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Postby Freakzilla » Thu May 15, 2008 9:35 am

Omphalos wrote:Nancy Grace! :lol: :lol:

What a crazy bitch.


Yeah I hate her.

But Megan Kelly

Image

and Martha McCallum

Image

are smokin' hot, they can read me the news all day long.
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
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Postby Omphalos » Thu May 15, 2008 10:29 am

I dont know them. but they look like Atlanta-CNN types to me.
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!

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Postby Freakzilla » Thu May 15, 2008 1:05 pm

They're Fox Babes.

If they were in Atlanta I'd be stalking them. :P
They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.

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Postby Omphalos » Thu May 15, 2008 1:29 pm

Fox? Something must be wrong with them mentally then. :P
Something is about to happen, Hal. Something wonderful!

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Postby Robspierre » Thu May 15, 2008 2:54 pm

Omphalos wrote:Fox? Something must be wrong with them mentally then. :P


Look at Hasselback on The View, she's never had an original thought in her head.


I love how Fox uses sex and then acts all fucking moral and christian with their commentators.

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Postby GamePlayer » Thu May 15, 2008 8:08 pm

Robspierre wrote:I love how Fox uses sex and then acts all fucking moral and christian with their commentators.

Rob


HAHAHAHA! So true. I always loved the irony of the puritan's definition of puritan. Faux News is pretty much one step away from Jerry Springer, yet it's the channel all the neo-conservative fundamentalists praise as this bastion of morality, fighting the good fight against that damnable liberal media :)
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Postby Freakzilla » Thu May 15, 2008 11:03 pm

Fox news is on the 50 inch plasma in the break room in my office, that's the only time I watch it.

Speaking of CNN, Heidi Collins makes me throb...

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They were destroyed because they lied pretentiously. Have no fear that my wrath
will fall upon you because of your innocent mistakes.

~Leto II, God Emperor
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Postby SpacemanSpiff » Fri Aug 22, 2008 3:03 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To find out why firemen wear red suspenders.
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Postby Rakis » Fri Aug 22, 2008 8:04 pm

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...


best one... :lol:
Neutrinos watch alert !

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Postby Mahnmut » Sat Aug 23, 2008 12:33 pm

KJA: Well you see the chicken had to cross the road because, she was on the trail of Erasmus, who was experimenting on her Mother, trying to create an army of thinking chickens, to do his evil bidding. Don't you agree Brian?... Brian I said, don't you agree? Yes, yes whatever, just write me a check.
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Postby Eyes High » Sat Aug 23, 2008 1:39 pm

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?


I think I like this one best.
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