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my review of Eagle Eye (copied from Jacurutu - SPOILERS)

PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 10:50 pm
by The Phantom
So as you can tell from the above title, I do not have a very good opinion of this movie. Hopefully after you're through with this review, you will not either, and will trust me when I saw that the members of this forum will most likely not enjoy it (save perhaps Simon whose tastes are somewhat.... questionable).

Jerry is a deadbeat copy boy (sorry, copy associate) who can't pay his rent, but has a knack for getting pocket rockets in hold-em. (yeah that scene is now ruined for you). His military brother has recently been killed in an accident (or is it?) and he sees his family for the first time in over a year, (jerry and rich daddy don't get along). Rachel is a single mother who sends her kid off on a train to play the national anthem in a kid's band for the President.

it starts off much like the previews would indicate. Jerry gets $750,000 and a room full of illegal materials and the FBI gets him in custody, he does some crazy ass escape (Jump Jerry Shaw!!!!) through the instructions of a woman on the phone and eventually alludes the law. He meets with Rachel, whose son is threatened by the woman on the phone and they proceed to dodge bullets, engage in high speed chases, rob an armoured vehicle, etc etc and argue over each other's personal lives and the merits thereof. They meet with various others, all of whom have received mobile instructions, and who are put into positions to further Jerry's plight.

While some of this sounds boring, most of it was entertaining and gave me some hope that, while somewhat mindless, the movie would pass for a pretty good action flick. Besides, there was still this whole shroud of mystery surrounding the identity of the caller who seems to know everything and be everywhere Jerry and Rachel go.

Then the bombshell hits. Jerry and Rachel refuse to do the woman's bidding until they learn her identity and she instructs them to go to a home theatre department at Circuit city where "our" identity will be revealed. They enter the room and all information about Jerry and Rachel is displayed on the screens and the woman continues to talk to them. In the big revealing moment, Jerry pauses during a draumatic close-up shot of his face, and states "you're a computer!"

at this point, half the audience groans (yes it's actually a necessary part of the plot, i swear)) and they keep trying to escape. the FBI catches up with them, and the computer helps them get away by opening secure doors and locking them behind them (which the FBI opens with a security card... as if miss omnipresent can't prevent that... a very KJA moment) and they do a big airport terminal chase that ends with jerry and rachel on a plane bound for the pentagon.

meanwhile in the pentagon, an air force agent is shown a massive computer by the secretary of defence, as part of her investigation of Ethan Shaw, Jerry's dead brother, who it's revealed was actually a pentagon employee working with the uber-supercomputer. they discover that he left them a message on a hidden SD card that reveals the computer's true intentions: to kill the entire executive of the US (save the SecDef) and uphold the constitution of the united states blah blah kill me now. the computer goes hostile and tries to kill the investigator.

Jerry arrives and is directed to the computer and a biometric scanner. turns out Ethan put some lock on it that only his genes can unlock (oh yeah Jerry and Ethan are conveniently cliche) and he unlocks her. Then rachel has a gun on him (she was previously instructed that she'd have to do this and you can totally see when it is. I leaned over to my friend and predicted it... horribly contrived) but she can't do it because "gosh darnit, the power of human relationships triumphs over machines"

then jerry becomes one with the computer and saves the universe. no that's a lie, but this whole deus ex machina bit had me wanting to vomit on the screen.

rachel is sent to go into the pentagon where the cabinet and prez are going to do the state-of-the-union address and where rachel's son is playing the national anthem. she's wearing a necklace with a crystal with 100-times-the-force-of-C4-ZOMG-LOLZ and her sons trumpet has the trigger tuned to the high-F in the star-spangled banner. Jerry fights his way into the chamber and as she's running to her son, and theyre about to hit the high-F... wow such suspense it's killing me....(oh yeah they superimpose music on the screen at this point... retarded) Jerry jumps up on a table and shoots the gun repeatedly in the air to stop the music. he takes 3 bullets from secret service and falls dead to the floor, but yay, the president is saved. (oh yeah, in the meantime the air force investigator and her new-found helper manage to disable the computer)

but guess what!!!! it's like disney and KJA books... everyone has a happy ending. Ethan (who was killed by the computer it turns out) is awarded a medal and guess who gets to take it... Jerry! he didn't die guys, everything's alright! I guess secret service doesn't actually know how to shoot to kill. they just shot his other arm and he fell down almost dead to the floor! Hooray! *barf* oh also, his dad is standing beside him and they smile. apparently being a national hero helps mend broken fences...

then it cuts to the not-so-distant future and little sam's (rachels kid) birthday party to which Jerry shows up. at this point you remember back to when she said how her ex-husband never remembered sam's bday and you think wow that's cliche... and then once you're through with that thought, they state it out loud "wow you remembered that's amazing" and you're reminded once again of KJA's flogging of dead horses and repetition. and it ends with a kiss and happiness (i hear in the unrated version it cuts to a transformers-boy meets Rachel mcugliton sex scene!)

there's so much more I could say about plot lines leading nowhere (SecDef offered Presidency by computer but does nothing about it), characters being heroically killed off (FBI Agent gives badge to Jerry, "take this, and put it in my Chest" "what, this isn't transformers dude" "in my chest, Sam" "get away from me you sick pervert") and other pathetic contrived shit...

but overall, a horrible movie that deserves worth than its 28% rating on rottentomatoes. It's KJA grade people.


PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 11:37 pm
by GamePlayer
I actually don't mind Shia LaBeouf as an actor, but he sure has been in some shit films. I saw this shit film coming a mile away and avoided it like a Dune prequel. Hopefully he'll get some better roles.

It is interesting how two of his most recent films have been virtual remakes of Hitchcock movies (Disturbia and now this). If Eagle Eye does well, I anticipate a third :)

PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 12:14 am
by SandChigger
I think I've forgotten to mention that I saw the newest "Raiders" movie on the plane back to the States? It was probably the first thing I've seen him in; or at least, in which I was mindful of him (knew who he was, cared either way ;) ).

He seems adequate, but I don't get what all the raving is about. Like so many young people these days, he's not hard on the eyes. I guess we'll just have to wait and see how he does in the new Dune movie, huh? :P

PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 12:22 am
by Omphalos
GamePlayer wrote:I actually don't mind Shia LaBeouf as an actor, but he sure has been in some shit films.

I consider him an annoying little man-child. I have not seen anything with him that looks remotely interesting, and the only one I can remember watching all the way through was Transformers. But still...he's an annoying little man-child.

PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 12:50 am
by SandChigger
(Oh yeah, that was one of the DVDs viewed during the "marathon" until I got the cable turned back on! :P Mebst. It's been reruns on SciFi channel or Discovery since! :D )

(Looks, btw, like the new Knight Rider has definitely been influenced by Transformers. :roll: )

PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:11 am
by Omphalos
SandChigger wrote:(Looks, btw, like the new Knight Rider has definitely been influenced by Transformers. :roll: )

In my son's words, "That's the coolest thing I ever saw, Dad!" I think that will be a regular show for us now. Ug.

PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 1:55 pm
by The Phantom
what annoys me about him is he's exactly the same character in every movie. they change the name and the shit that happens to him but he plays the exact same persona, reactions etc.

kind of like nicholas cage.

oh and Shia looks exactly like my cousin.